Building Relationships

It takes time to build a relationship. Getting to know someone is an act of love; it is a commitment to hear their heart and give them a safe space to be who they are without criticism.

Do you have relationships like that? I hope so.

Think about the relationships you have built over the years. The ones that have stood the test of time and those that have failed. What is the difference between the two? I generally say it is the length of time and our ability to listen more than we talk.

I try to remember little things about my friends. Since one of my ways to build relationships is over food I try to remember the little things. The way they like their coffee (or if they like coffee at all), some friends don’t like green vegetables and others don’t like raw onions. Some are vegetarian and others only like meat and potatoes. That’s all surface stuff but when we listen to those things we prove that we are interested in them and they will open up and we can learn more.

We can learn things in casual conversation but it is in the deeper quality time that they can share their heart. Do they face struggles with self-esteem and worthiness? Are their issues from their past that still hurt today? Why do they pull back in certain situations and seem to withdraw for weeks at a time? Greatest joys and worst fears, when we are trusted with these we know we have reached their heart and we need to protect that confidence that has been placed in us.

At the same time, a good relationship is never one-sided. We have to be able to open up and share our hearts too. When we lived in Montana I had a friend and we did what we called a “walk and talk”. We were neighbors on a country road and we would walk a couple days a week and talk. In Iowa, I had a friend that shared morning prayer time with me; I loved that time. I have another friend that shares “morning coffee” with me even though we live 1400 miles apart; we email each morning and have for over nine years.

That’s why I enjoy my morning quiet times so much. It’s my time to “sit and talk” with my very best, life-long Friend. He and I talk, sometimes for hours, each day. I ask Him questions and He answers from His word. I learn about Him; his joys and his sorrows. He tells me honestly when I need to change or correct things that I’m doing. He’s always there no matter what. I love our times together – any time I want to talk He’s there.

“Nothing is as wonderful as knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have given up everything else and count it all as garbage. All I want is Christ ⁹ and to know that I belong to him. I could not make myself acceptable to God by obeying the Law of Moses. God accepted me simply because of my faith in Christ. ¹⁰ All I want is to know Christ and the power that raised him to life.” Philippians 3:8-10a CEV

I encourage you to develop a “walk and talk” of your own. Deepen your friendship with the Lord and as a result, your other relationships will be strengthen as well.